Managing teens’ tech use is hard enough. What happens when your parents join in?
Here’s how to address those frustrating digital habits without becoming the technology police.
Key Points
- Social media exploits human attention across the lifespan; it’s not a weakness limited to any age group.
- Technology can help older adults maintain social connection and a sense of belonging when their offline worlds get smaller.
- Older adults need digital literacy skills to stay safe and understand the effect of technology use on those around them.
What Does the Data Say?
The data tell a different story. Yes, older adults are adopting technology fast. Smartphone ownership among adults over age 50 rose from 55% in 2016 to 90% in 2025 (Kakulla, 2026). But adoption isn’t the same as compulsion. Just like with teens, not all screen time is equal. When researchers measure problematic internet use, older adults generally score lower than younger adults (Devine et al., 2022). For older adults, sitting around watching television is associated with poorer mental health than other types of screen use (Silva Santos et al., 2026). By contrast, older adults who use technology report being more socially engaged (Lee et al., 2026). None of this makes it any less frustrating when your parents are glued to their devices while they are supposed to be spending time with you or your kids.Why Grandma Keeps Scrolling
Getting sucked into perpetual scrolling is a human attention problem, not an aging problem. Infinite scroll, autoplay, notifications, and algorithmic recommendations eliminate natural stopping points and continually offer something new. Those mechanisms work across the lifespan.
Old Habits, New Screens
Older adults over age 65 still watch a lot of television. They rely on it for entertainment but also for a sense of companionship to ease loneliness (Depp et al., 2010). Thanks to portability and ease of use, older adults are now also adding mobile devices to their media consumption, particularly for communication and information (Gallo et al., 2024). But adopting mobile technology does not guarantee digital etiquette. Television can become a shared experience. A smartphone directs one person’s attention away from everyone else. Older adults may feel they are being social when they look at grandchildren’s photos, message friends, or catch up with a community online. To the person sitting next to them, however, the behavior can communicate something very different. It says: “You’re paying attention to your device instead of me.” And, like everyone else, older adults are vulnerable to habit formation. Apps are designed to grab and hold attention using notifications and infinite scrolling. An older adult can fall into the exact same unconscious scrolling habits as anyone else, completely unaware of how much time has passed or how it looks to others.Sandwiched Between Smartphones
It’s easy to let frustration drive you toward wanting to control your parents’ technology use rather than understand it. One moment you’re troubleshooting passwords or explaining what to do with a suspicious email. The next, you can’t understand why they won’t put down the phone when they came over to see the grandchildren. This is a different role from parenting your kids. With your parents, you are caught between parent and child roles, balancing feeling responsible for helping them navigate a complicated digital environment with respect for their independence and autonomy, while also protecting your own boundaries. Like your kids, older adults need digital literac. But but they don’t need their adult children imposing the same strategies they use with kids. Older adults need information and tools that help them make their own decisions, from understanding how recommendation algorithms work to recognizing scams, evaluating online information, and knowing when to ask for help. They also often face design barriers. Small text, complicated navigation, unfamiliar icons, and changing interfaces can demand more concentration and time, making someone appear completely absorbed even when they are trying to accomplish a simple task. Many older adults learned their digital media habits before algorithms could adapt to online behavior and build predictive profiles, much less customize what shows up in their feeds and email in ways that influence how they see the world. Targeted content takes advantage of the major shifts that come with aging, challenging a person’s sense of and making them vulnerable to information and groups that offers identity and belonging. Dealing with relational and physical loss can increase the appeal of content that inflames outrage at what was “taken away.” Aging can also increase the appeal of nostalgic content that provides continuity and meaning and validates a longing for “the good old days.”Before You Unplug the Wi-Fi
Before you resort to turning off the Wi-Fi, confiscating mobile devices, or installing parental control apps on your parents’ phones, start with a conversation about what your parents like or are getting from their technology. Some people follow the news to feel informed, satisfying a need for competence and clarity. Others follow it to quiet their fear and anxiety. Understanding the psychological value someone receives from technology use makes it easier to distinguish a safety or skills problem from a relationship problem. This allows you to negotiate boundaries with compassion rather than without turning device use disagreements use into battles. If you want to encourage different technology behaviors:- Focus on connection, not rules. Physical presence isn’t the same as emotional presence. Emphasize the effect on the grandkids when grandparents are absorbed in their phones rather than interacting with them.
- Translate the behavior that bothers you into their familiar social norms. Someone who doesn’t understand why using a phone around others is a problem may relate to a parallel situation using a more familiar form of media, like reading the newspaper at the breakfast table instead of talking with the family.
- Explain the attention shift. Even looking away to check one message can derail an in-person interaction, especially when it leads to another notification, link, or post.
- Make solutions family-wide. “We like everyone to turn their phones off at the dinner table” works better than “Mom, turn your phone off.”
Dr. Pamela Rutledge is available to reporters for comments on the psychological and social impact of media and technology on individuals, society, organizations and brands.