Social Media & Relationships: 7 Myths

Humans are social animals.  The need to connect is a primal drive.  Even our most basic needs, such as food and safety, have always been accomplished by humans as a group.  We weren’t equipped to conquer the world with fangs and claws, so we got a prefrontal cortex that gave us cooperation and attachment.

Myth: Social media is destroying our social skills and replacing offline relationships

Reality:

• Research shows that social media has enhanced relationships.
• Obvious benefactors are shut-ins and socially-avoidant
• Social media provides connective ‘glue’ for the times between F2F
• Most social media is used to strengthen existing offline relationships

Myth: You have to be on all social networks—they’re basically all the same

Reality:

• You should only be on social networks that work for what you’re trying to get done.
• All communication strategies (personal or business) need to be based on goals.
  • Do you want to see pictures of your grandchildren?  Be on Facebook
  • Do you want to keep abreast of late breaking news? Watch Twitter.

Myth: You don’t have to be on social media at all to have a full and happy life.

Reality:

• What will give you a full and happy life?  What are you goals?  You may not like the idea of social media, but your kids or grandkids may.  You can’t expect others to ‘unadopt’ social media because you don’t like it.  Decide what’s important and then figure out the best way to get it done.  My 87-year-old father is on Facebook because that’s how he keeps track of the grandkids.
  • I may prefer to communicate with people by email, but if I want to wish my nieces and nephews a happy birthday, I do it by text.
  • If you’re a professional, people expect a web presence.  It is a method of validation.  No presence is what looks sketchy now.

Myth: People don’t tell the truth on social media

Reality:

• Do some people lie about themselves online? Yes, but it’s the minority.  Research suggests that people are generally fairly truthful and that fakes get busted and ostracized.
• Remember that you present yourselves differently offline, too.  You don’t dress or act the same at a business meeting compared to a tailgate party for your favorite NFL team.

Myth: You can’t control your social media presence

Reality:

• While you can’t completely control your social media presence,it makes a big difference if you learn how. There are things that you can and should do.  We learned how to drive a car before getting on the freeway.  Social media is a powerful tool, so you should learn to use it before you crash and burn.
• Learn privacy settings for each platform
• Update your profile carefully – don’t give out personal information that can be accumulated across all sites — your address, your city, your dog’s name, your vacation plans
• Think before you speak.  The Internet is permanent and searchable.  My grandmother used to say, never talk about someone in an elevator—you never know who’s listening.  The whole world is the elevator now.

Myth: Online relationships aren’t “real”

Reality:

• Online relationships can take longer to achieve a level of intimacy, but they have other advantages.  People feel safer and therefore disclose more information about their “true” selves.  Relationships that develop online are often based more on substance and less on looks.
• While physical cues are very important to understanding meaning, there are ways that people deliver that information, such as emoticons or including LOL, that indicate humor, sarcasm, anger, etc.

Myth: Social media doesn’t go any good

Reality:

• Social media has enabled people to access emergency resources and donate money in crises.  The Red Cross raised $5 million from text messages in the first 24 hours after the earthquake in Haiti
• Social media has given us a peak into the worlds of others increasing empathy
• Social media has inspired others to take action by believing that they are not alone and that others feel the same way (Arab Spring)