Gossip Girl as a Parenting Tool

In a brief Q&A (2/22/09) in USA Today Weekend by advice columnist Dennie Hughes, she quotes me saying it’s okay to indulge in celebrity gossip. I think most people tend to dismiss gossip as pretty shallow stuff, in spite of what we read at the dentist’s office. And that might be true, except for the fact that the essence of the gossip experience lies in both the shared experience and all the other information that is exchanged when we gossip about anything. That information is all about connecting with others, defining and sharing our own identity, and exploring our place in society. You can dissect personality, culture, good fortune, effort, connection, and human success and frailty, not to mention plumage, at a safe distance. Gossip provides the laboratory for investigation. Research from around the world shows that soap opera plots and characters successfully introduce subjects that are outside the boundaries of normal discourse or go against cultural norms in ways that can improve understanding, tolerance, and opportunity. Soap operas are just scripted gossip. Why not take advantage of the real thing?

We are awash in people arguing that media technologies have a detrimental influence on how we view the world based on various psychological theories (i.e. priming, framing, social learning theory and social modeling, social constructionism). But people, even kids believe it or not, are sentient, caring beings with the ability to act and think by their own volition. If we are truly worried that mass media images, behaviors, and celebrities have so much influence on our kids and cultural expectations, why not talk about them? What better way to engage your child or teen in a conversation about values, behavior and consequences than by discussing them? (*** Note to parents: discussing means you LISTEN not just talk***.) Simple questions can get you a long way into a discussion with your kids.

• What happened?
• Why do you think people do that?
• How do people handle stuff like that?
• What does it mean for their life now?
• What would you do?
• If the gossip is mean-spirited, talk about that too.

You might be shocked at what your kids will tell you if they think you are trying to hear them. At the very least, you are showing your kids you are trying to understand their world and their perspective. Not such a bad thing to do a little social modeling of an interested parent.